My friend was stranded on the M5 near Mittagong. Injector trouble as it turned out. When the NRMA came they said her car would need to be towed to the nearest service centre and picked up a week later. She was advised to ring someone to come and pick her up.
I was away at the time so it was no use ringing me and she couldn’t think of anyone she could ask, so she got a lift to the nearest railway station and with a long wait for a train took hours to make it home to Sydney.
I wonder if I had been home would she have rung me? Would she have rationalised asking me to drive so far to pick her up? Why is asking for help such a difficult thing for most of us?
It’s so much easier to be independent or to be the one doing the helping than the one asking. And yet in those moments we can feel so terribly alone.
I was away at the time so it was no use ringing me and she couldn’t think of anyone she could ask, so she got a lift to the nearest railway station and with a long wait for a train took hours to make it home to Sydney.
I wonder if I had been home would she have rung me? Would she have rationalised asking me to drive so far to pick her up? Why is asking for help such a difficult thing for most of us?
It’s so much easier to be independent or to be the one doing the helping than the one asking. And yet in those moments we can feel so terribly alone.
Last night my neighbour lost all the power to her house. There we were; both of us peering into the metre box with no idea what we were looking for or how to solve the problem. I suggested she ask the man down the street who is always ready to help, but I heard those so familiar words, “Oh I hate asking for help”. She didn’t want to bother him and yet she would have been there in a flash if he had needed help.
None of us like that feeling of helplessness or dependence on another person. It can leave us feeling inadequate and vulnerable. But maybe that’s the very thing that could open the door to a deeper relationship. It allows others to see I don’t have it all together, which is both my fear and my greatest gift.
Or maybe the main reason is we find it hard to receive.
Giving is easy. To be on the receiving end is so much harder. It takes great humility to receive, especially if we can do nothing in return.
None of us like that feeling of helplessness or dependence on another person. It can leave us feeling inadequate and vulnerable. But maybe that’s the very thing that could open the door to a deeper relationship. It allows others to see I don’t have it all together, which is both my fear and my greatest gift.
Or maybe the main reason is we find it hard to receive.
Giving is easy. To be on the receiving end is so much harder. It takes great humility to receive, especially if we can do nothing in return.
I have another neighbour who is incredibly kind and from time to time has helped me with things I can’t manage (yes I am getting better at asking). Each time he helps me I take him some homemade goodies. It’s my way of saying thank you and letting him know I am grateful, or is it my way of doing something in return so I don’t feel obligated?
It’s hard to know the motives of my heart sometimes. Pride can be a mean taskmaster and rob me of the blessing of sharing myself, opening myself up so others see not only my strengths, but also my weaknesses.
And on the other side of the door, I feel grateful when I’m asked for help. There’s a sense of trust and relationship that someone felt free to ask. Strange isn’t it, the very things that can bring us together in this shared thing called life, so often get bogged down in pride, shame and independence and the opportunities for both of us to be blessed, are lost.
Friendship and trust are most often forged through adversity or at least through the willingness to be vulnerable. We all need help sometimes; to believe otherwise is a delusion. Maybe its just help when the lights go out, giving support when a cars demise leaves you feeling all alone or maybe in a matter of a life and death situation, but offering and receiving help is a beautiful thing.
It’s hard to know the motives of my heart sometimes. Pride can be a mean taskmaster and rob me of the blessing of sharing myself, opening myself up so others see not only my strengths, but also my weaknesses.
And on the other side of the door, I feel grateful when I’m asked for help. There’s a sense of trust and relationship that someone felt free to ask. Strange isn’t it, the very things that can bring us together in this shared thing called life, so often get bogged down in pride, shame and independence and the opportunities for both of us to be blessed, are lost.
Friendship and trust are most often forged through adversity or at least through the willingness to be vulnerable. We all need help sometimes; to believe otherwise is a delusion. Maybe its just help when the lights go out, giving support when a cars demise leaves you feeling all alone or maybe in a matter of a life and death situation, but offering and receiving help is a beautiful thing.
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