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I'm scared too

2/4/2020

1 Comment

 
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My granddaughter started school last week. There were floods of tears and considerable resistance to letting go of mum. She felt overwhelmed with fear of the unknown. Then another little girl who was starting the same day came up to her, took her hand and said, “Come on, I’ll take care of you, I’m scared too”.
 
Isn’t that what we all need, someone to show up for us when we are facing the crippling fear of the unknown, a crushing sense of loneliness or when doubt engulfs us. Whatever others perceive, done of us are immune from those struggles; they are part of being human.
 
“I’m scared too”, she said. What powerful words.

Is there anything more comforting than to realise that you are not alone in what you're feeling?
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It’s easy to feel alone in life, not lonely but alone. As someone on the far end of the introvert scale, I know that feeling well. Overwhelmed in a crowded room full of people chatting and laughing while I’m struggling to make small talk and feeling terribly alone.
 
I’ve been seen as aloof, distant and standoffish. If only they had known the deep internal struggles that were holding me captive. And maybe that’s what motivates me to gravitate to the person I see standing on the edges. I have a good idea what they are feeling and going to spend time with them is my way of saying, “I’m scared too”.
 
I remember a very wise man once saying to me, we can’t help someone move beyond where we’ve moved ourselves. Can I really understand grief if I’ve never experience the depths of pain and loss that ravage every part of my being? Can I comprehend the paralysing power of fear unless I’ve known it first hand?  
 
“I know how you feel” can so easily be no more than a cliché and it hurts more than it heals. But when someone stands with you, in all their vulnerability, even if that’s just to say, “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here”, our world can change. And when someone is willing to share that they are struggling too, there’s a level of oneness that lets me know I’m not alone.
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I know a young man with severe autism and making conversation with him is awkward and uncomfortable and often I see people avoid him. While I understand their fear, he must feel so lonely and rejected when that happens. Last week he was trimming the edges of the lawn and I chatted to him and admired what he was doing. Just seeing his eyes light up made all the awkwardness worth it. It’s a beautiful thing showing up, not always easy, but beautiful. And priceless.
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In her acceptance speech at the recent Peoples Choice Awards, Pink said, “Kindness is an act of rebellion”. How true. Rebellion against the indifference that plagues our world, against power and greed and self-interest. Rebellion against racism and the belief that some people matter more then others.
 
Kindness and love and just showing up can change a life and maybe even change the world. I know it did for one little girl, ““Come on, I’ll take care of you, I’m scared too”.
1 Comment
Leigh Howell link
2/3/2020 02:41:55 pm

This blog has touched me deeply. Being there even for difficult people is a balancing act of reaching out and still trying to maintain my own mental and emotional health. Even the church where caring abounds struggle with the more difficult wounded ones.

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    Author

    Glenyss Barnham
    ​I'm a mother and grandmother who loves  discovering beauty in unexpected places.

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