He crept in while it was still dark and gently nudged me awake. I reminded him of the rule and he said, “But grandma the night was so long and I couldn’t wait any longer”.
How could I say no to that sort of love? He cuddled down with me and we talked about life, about nature and about dreams. He’s a never-ending source of questions. Anything from, “You’ve been to the Colosseum haven’t you grandma?”
“Yes I have”
“What’s inside it?”
“Cats, lots and lots of cats”
Of course we talked about all the other things inside and why.
Not all his questions are as easy to answer. “Why doesn’t my friend like me anymore?”
I had no answer for that one except to admit honestly, “I don’t know”.
Our lives are full of questions without answers. Why did my friend’s teenage son commit suicide? Why cancer, Parkinson’s disease and a child's disability? Why COVID-19?
"If knowing answers to life’s questions is absolutely necessary for you, then forget the journey. You will never make it, for life is a journey of unknowables, of unanswered questions, enigmas, incomprehensibles and most of all things unfair.”
Right now we are in unchartered territory with a multitude of questions about COVID-19 and where we are headed. Should I be preparing in case I need to shut myself away for two weeks or the government puts us into lockdown? Should I just get on with life as usual or should I be staying at home to reduce the possibility of infection and hopefully slow down the spread of the virus, as many doctors have advised?
We want answers but mostly we get confusing messages. No one really knows and that’s the hard part. I'm choosing self-isolation as an act of love and responsibility.
Quite a while ago, a wise man encouraged me to live life’s questions and not need to know the answers. There’s a peace that comes with that … an acceptance that allows me to live in the tension without being eaten away with fear or frustration, resentment or anger … without beating my fist against a closed door demanding entry.
Ken Gire puts it this way, “Someone once said that writing a novel is like driving at night with your headlights on – you can only see a few feet ahead, but you can make the entire trip that way. Living life is like that. Certainly a life of faith. Give me the grace, O Lord, to live such a life … and to realise that though the light given me is never as much as I would like, it is enough”.
This will be my last blog for a while as I take time out to work on other writing projects. Maybe I'll be moved to share a blog here and there but not on a weekly basis for the time being. Thank you so much for you continued support and encouragement.